It’s hard work hating yourself…

As I sat listening to Libby, a new client tell me the painful story of how she had attempted umpteen diets, gained weight, lost weight, gained weight again; tried pills, shakes, soups, fasting, binging, throwing up, eating too much, eating too little, laxatives, diet programs and bariatric surgery, only to slowly but surely regain the weight she had lost, my heart went out to her…

She sat slumped in her chair with tears pouring down her cheeks and said ‘I’m exhausted from hating myself and my body so bloody much’.

Gently and with a great deal of compassion, I said to her ‘You’ve put so much time and energy into trying to lose weight so you can love and accept yourself, and it’s cost you so much. It’s taken such a toll on you and it really hurts.’

She nodded her head and said ‘What can I do to change this? I’m so sick of this fight with myself. It’s all I can think of. I can’t connect with my partner. I never want to do things with my kids because I feel fat. I dress in clothes that I hate. I don’t go out with friends anymore because I feel so self-conscious. I miss going to my yoga class but can’t bear to wear leggings. The list goes on and on. What am I going to do?’

Even though she hadn’t yet fully realized it, Libby was swiftly moving in the direction of what we ACT therapists call ‘Creative Hopelessness’. She was beginning to realize that all her attempts at weight loss were not working for her. She was tightly clinging to the belief that in order to have a good life and to truly accept herself, she had to be a certain weight, shape and size. Anything less (or more in this case) was simply unacceptable! And yet her very attempts to force herself in this direction were not working, over and over again.

The sad thing is that so many of us can relate to Libby’s story.

We believe that if we were more disciplined, made more of an effort, ate the right things and less of them, exercised more, then we’d be at the weight, size and shape we desired, right?

Wrong!

The dieting industry is the only industry in the world that makes billions of dollars a year, yet has a 98% failure rate!

How can this be? Numerous research studies have proven that dieting or restrictive eating leads to:

• Negative body image, lowered self-esteem and mood

• Lower energy levels, immune system and metabolism

• Increased susceptibility to emotional eating and binge eating

• Unhealthy pre-occupation with food

• Weight gain and weigh re-gain

Before you throw your hands up in despair, let me quickly share that there is an alternative…. One which will allow you to focus on who and what is important to you, and what you can do to take action to move in this direction.

An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) framework can be very helpful when we’re struggling with eating issues and a negative body image.

It allows us to clarify our Values – what kind of life do you want to lead, who and what is truly important to you?

Being a certain weight, size or shape or having fun playing with your kids? Staying sedentary because you’re too self-conscious or moving your body in a way you love that helps clear your mind, boosts your mood and gives you energy? Hating yourself for how you look or accepting and loving your body for the truly magnificent creation that it is? It works damn hard for you – breathing, digesting, building new cells, and moving you around. Heck it keeps you alive!

It allows us to identify the thoughts, beliefs, feelings and stories that keep us stuck in a place of misery and suffering. And then learn to defuse or unhook from these. Or even to hold them a little bit more lightly.

It allows us to see what action we take that doesn’t serve us and that once again keeps us stuck doing the same thing over and over again in the hope that something will be different this time.

It also assists us to take Valued Action that moves us in the direction of who and what is truly important to us.

So how do I apply all of this to eating issues and body image? Especially if diets don’t work?

In my therapeutic work with clients, we focus on:

• Who you are as an eater and your personal relationship with food and your body so you can learn to let go of the toxic beliefs we’ve developed from the culture we live in about what we should look like.

• Developing a healthy relationship with food.

• Enjoyable movement that excites and motivates you.

• Body and self acceptance.

• Holistic self-care – stress, sleep and pleasure are way more important than we realise.

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